Part 3 – Chapters 12-22
7. Randy credits his professor Andy van Dam for telling him the “tough love” things he needed to hear. Who in your life has told you things about yourself that made you reconsider your actions?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Recovering jerk! Ha! I think honestly, my best friend helps me see other perspectives that kind of highlight which other directions might be better. I think it's easy to get stuck in one way of thinking because you don't really consider other perspectives. I think thinking about other people's possible perspectives allows for consideration of different options and points of view.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot to be said about perspective, Molly. So much so that I usually spend a week or so at the beginning of the year with my new students determining the value of perspective. It is never wasted time:)
DeleteMy best friend has always been by my side. I met her at the bus stop in kindergarten. She is definitely the one who gives me a different perspective on things. She is not afraid to be honest and tell me like it is. We often joke that she is like the “guy” in a relationship because she doesn’t get emotional like a “typical girl” over small things. She gives me a new way to think of things when I run into issues or problems.
ReplyDeleteOf course my best friend! We both have opposite personalities and are the true test of opposites attract. I met her in sixth grade when I couldn't get my locker open and was so frustrated I was going to be late for my next class. As you probably figured, she didn't have a care in the world about her next class lol! Since then, she's always been the one to pick me up and let me know when I'm being a little too much! I value her opinion and appreciate the honesty we've built up in our friendship. Similar to this, I have a co-worker who I used to work with who was extremely negative. I think that this also worked to show me that this is not how I wanted to live my life and that I didn't want to be viewed this way by others. So even though it wasn't someone giving me the tough love, I reflected on her attitude and made some realizations myself that year.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing what a best friend can do for you!!! It is nice to have that trust and openness in a relationship where you don’t have to feel like you are hiding anything!
DeleteMy college roommate. We are still very close even 22 years later and several states between us. She is always honest with me as I am with her. It is always good to have a friend that you can go to that will tell you the truth and help you see things in a different light. I am so thankful for her friendship and advice.
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome. Long-term friendship allows friends to see each other over time in various situations. When my best friend gives tough love I know that it comes from someone who knows me for decades, wants the best for me, and provides truth even if it is not what I want to hear.
DeleteMuch like my answer to question #4, my siblings are the ones who I’ve always been able to count on for telling me the “tough love” things that I’ve needed to hear over the years. We know each other so well (and have for so long) that it seems only natural that we can be honest and open with each other about most areas of life. I know that their thoughts and comments to me always come from the heart and that they have nothing but my best interests in mind. To be fair, I haven’t always taken their advice or followed the path they’ve recommended, but their input has never gone unappreciated.
ReplyDeleteI can't name a specific person, but I can say that as I have gotten older, I have been more willing to hear and appreciate "tough love" comments from those close to me. I think I have become more mindful of my own faults and mistakes and more willing to accept responsibility for them. Having several people tell you the same thing over the years has a way of making you examine your behavior, more so, I think than one person in particular. However, I do think one of the most important people to me in this regard is the friend and co-worker I mentioned in a previous question. I seek her advice and feedback most often because she is honest, logical, dependable, and trustworthy, but also doesn't just tell me what I want to hear, which is a valuable gift.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you have more than one specific person there to provide the "tough love". I found that as I get older it does become easier to accept the tough love from people you care about.
DeleteI have been fortunate to have supervisors and other professionals around who have been honest with me and caused me to rethink. There have been times when I have been reminded that my considered actions were probably not the best. But, the one person who is always honest with me is my wife. She never hesitates to make sure I have considered thing I may not have thought of. She also has a way of telling me things I may not want to hear, but when she does I am always glad she has done so.
ReplyDeleteI think my mom has been the one to tell me the "tough love" things in my life. She looks at things from a different perspective. And as Molly said above, it is important to gain someone else's point of view. I have taken my mom's advice at times when she has offered it but other times I try to stick to what I feel should be done. She doesn't always agree with me and I don't always agree with her, but it doesn't change our relationship/bond.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up my mom would always give me enough rope "to hang myself." Once I had messed something up she would confront me with reality. It gave me the ability to think about the outcome of my actions. Still I made my share of mistakes. They were great learning experiences
DeleteWhen it comes to "tough love" my best friend Jenni is my go to girl. We have been best friends for almost our entire lives. Shes been there to put me in my place. She's full of motivation, empowerment and just wonderful at helping me see a different perspective in all aspects of my life. Our friendship has been through so many life changing events, the truth does hurt sometimes, but we keep it real and constructive, because we are like sisters that want what's best for each other.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up many of my family members would tell me the “tough love” things. At the time I did not really appreciate it or like it but now I look back and I am so thankful for the “tough love”. The lessons were taught to me help me to reconsider my actions today. I feel very fortunate that I had these people in my life to give me “tough love”. Today it seems that this concept is lacking. Students seem to be unable to accomplish even the simplest tasks and they can make a decision about anything (what they want for lunch to what they want to do as a career). I feel sad for these students because life will be hard for them in the future.
ReplyDeleteKimm, I could not agree more. I, too, feel that many students do not have someone to give them "tough love". Then when they come to school and have to do things they don't particularly want to do, they are not prepared. Decision making, stamina, etc. are just not there. They are used to people doing many things for them.
DeleteMy family has always been there to provide the feedback necessary to put things in perspective. Tough love allowed me to keep working at tasks, be humble, ask questions, and see situations with empathy.
DeleteI have definitely found that the ability to take criticism has become almost non-existent in today's kids. I don't understand why so many parents and teachers have become so shy at telling kids some honest truth about the work they are doing or their behavior in class. I am often called the blunt teacher, but while I am not mean when delivering criticism, I am not going to shy away from telling a student something they need to hear.
DeleteBy far my best friend!! I am so lucky that even though we are living in different states, we are able to talk daily on our commutes to work. Speaking every day allows for us to truly open up to each other and not have to worry about taking up the other ones time. No one knows me better so it makes it so meaningful to hear the "tough love". Although I sometimes push back at first, I always (almost) realize that she is right. It's also so much easier to take it from someone you trust...there is no doubt in their motives. She makes me a better person day in and day out!
ReplyDeleteI agree about trusting the person who shows tough love. If you're going to accept that tough love, it definitely needs to be from a respectable, and honest person. I also said it is my best friend who shows me tough love!
DeleteMuch like my response to question #4, regarding critics, I would have to say the one person in my life who shows "tough love" is my best friend. She is a very honest person who is always there for me, and has no problem telling me the truth, even if it hurts. While she always does it in a tasteful manner, I appreciate her honesty. I think everyone needs a person in their life to show them tough love. It is not always easy to face the facts without someone else shedding light on it for us.
ReplyDeleteMy closest friend of 30 years has had to tell me more than once that I was a jerk. In fact, he has told me that at times, especially when we were younger, that I was hard to be a friend with. I am so appreciative of him and the honesty he has shared through the years. I am a better person for it, and more aware of how I am presenting myself to others. We all definitely need that honest voice in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was 18, I had a verbal argument with my mother. My father had been laid off and upstairs at the time and came bursting out of his room and from the top of the stairs, yelled at me to get out."You will not talk to your mother that way. Get out!" Months went by before I talked to my parents again. But I always remember that moment and it taught me to respect my parents more than I had.
ReplyDeleteI think about how my experience with my parents and various coaches have influenced me today; how I interact with my own children and my wife. There are times when we say things to each other because we want the other to be better. No matter how tough the love appears to be at the moment, I make sure to tell my wife and children how much I love them every day.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in high school, I looked up to my cheerleading coach so much. She was a great coach, and then a great mentor. When I graduated high school, I stayed and became her assistant coach after school, and then followed her to a job at an all star cheerleading program. Fast forward 11 more years and she is my best friend and even officiated my wedding in November! I was so thankful for her during my very formative teenage years, I have always aspired to try and be that kind of person for my athletes and students. A good role model, that has great advice, and never passes judgment. She has always been there to call me out on my wrongdoings, and supported me when I needed it.
ReplyDelete