Part 2 – Chapters 4-11
2. Randy said he won the parent lottery. What details from his childhood do you think led to the successes he had later on his life? What advice might you give your students that didn’t win the “parent lottery”?
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It seems like Randy Pauch's parents time and resources were invested in their children and not material things. He was given love, attention and encouragement rather than material things. He was encouraged to research and explore his curiosities. His parents loved and supported him. With students of mine who do not have this luxury- (These days, it really does seem like a luxury for children to have this type of parenting and support.) I remind students that they do not choose their families or who they are born to...but they can choose their friends, their actions and reactions, and their future circumstances through their mindset and goals. I know they are young in grade 4, but I say it anyway, throughout the year...hoping they may hear my words after they have left my classroom and moved on to middle school and beyond.
ReplyDeleteI constantly tell my kids that they can choose their friends and even their “family.” Family doesn’t have to be blood and that seems to be such an eye opener for many of my students.
DeleteI always saw you can only control your behavior and happiness.
DeleteI was really drawn to the way Randy's parents encouraged him to ask questions and find the answers. I loved how they had the dictionary next to the table and when someone had a questions they went to it. I also loved how he wasn't allowed to just ask why, he had to put his question into a full sentence. This definitely gave him his love for learning and led him down the path of success. In my own class the majority of my students have not won the parent lottery. My kids however are often too young to understand this yet at 5 and 6. I try my hardest to just listen to them and let them know that what they are saying is important. I encourage them to ask questions and wonder. I always make time to stop what we are doing to find answers and have discussions together. I can't change their life at home but I can make them feel important and loved while they are with me.
ReplyDeleteI try to imagine a family all having dinner together with a dictionary next to the table these days. Sadly, many families now don't even eat together, and when they do, everyone is often glued to their phones, even in restaurants!
DeleteI agree with you Jennifer. I really wonder how many of my students actually have dinner together around a table. I envision lots of drive through meals or families just too busy to have a home cooked meal together. I have 2 young children and I admit that we only have dinner with all 4 of us about 3-4 times a week because of our schedules.
DeleteIt's at these dinners though, where I get most of my 'stories' that I share with my friends, family, and students.
I think once of the most important things Randy's parents taught him is "If you have a question, then find the answer." This is the exact opposite of the mindset I usually encounter with incoming students. So many of them have either been spoon-fed the answers, or just don't make the effort to find the answers because "it's too much work". Randy's dad seemed to have a lot of great wisdom to impart which helped Randy navigate his life. I also love the story he told about his mom's response when he was complaining about how hard his PhD qualifier was: "We know just how you feel, honey. And remember, when your father was your age, he was fighting the Germans." I wish this kind of parenting was more prevalent, but unfortunately, most of my students did not win the "parent lottery". I try be a good role model to them, and encourage them to look forward to the day when they are going to be making their own decisions, to think about what kind of person they want to be and how they can get there.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Jennifer. Most students did not win the parent lottery. I love how you encourage them to look toward the future and to focus on what kind of a person they want to be.
DeleteRandy's parents seemed very hands-on. They cared about him very much and were hard on him in certain circumstances to help teach him right from wrong. While they allowed for him to find his own way, they also taught him the skills necessary for problem solving on his own. I truly admire and am impressed by their parenting style. I really enjoyed the part about the two types of families: those needing a dictionary to get through dinner, and those who didn't. This really drove home for me the kind of parents that Randy had. They encouraged him to look for the answers that he needed instead of just giving them to him. These skills are what obviously helped Randy to deal with his fate in life and to help his family when he was is such need himself. I think that many children are simply given the answers and/or never taught the skills necessary to find them themselves. These might be the ones who did not win the parent lottery. I know that I have found myself telling students that they are the ones in charge of where their lives go, not their parents. Their parents have allowed for them to get to this point and now it's time for the student to step up and take over from here. As high school juniors and seniors they usually understand and feel empowered by this kind of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteIt is in a parent's nature to want to do everything for their children. But I agree, children, especially by the time they reach high school need to take charge of their lives to some degree. In the long run we do more harm than good by not letting our children experience adversity.
DeleteI agree it was nice to see the balance his family gave him with humility from his mom and guidance from his dad. They refrained from over-parenting.
DeleteRandys parents were very involved which we do not necessarily see now a days. His parents allowed them to make mistakes but always used that as a situation as a teachable moment. We often come into times where these teachable moments happen and we just let them slide. His parents were attentive and active in his life. I think we need more of this more than ever! There was also a lot of trust in their relationship but he knew who his parents were. They were the adults and he was the child, they were not “best friends” on a day to day basis. I think that having attentive and active parents help to make kids successful. They are there for the good, the bad and the ugly. If your child knows you are there for them, they can feel like anything is achievable. For the kids that don’t have this in their life, I try to guide them to know that they can be who they want to be but they cannot make excuses. Everyone is dealt a certain hand it is what you make out of it. Things can be positive or negative depending on your own outlook.
ReplyDeleteWe all get dealt a hand, and even though we can't change what we were dealt, you can always shuffle the cards. Having a positive outlook is so important to having a healthy life overall.
DeleteI think that because Randy's parents constantly pushed him to do more and challenge himself, he was raised to push his limits. Both of his parents were very driven and determined with dreams of their own and shared ones, that they were great role models for Randy to follow. On page 24, it tells how Randy would complain to his mother about how hard a test was and his mother replied with sympathizing for him and then reminding him that his father was fighting the Germans when he was his age. This goes to show that his mother was always trying to push her son to do more than he thought possible, to instill the motivation at a young age. My students come from various "parent" backgrounds but despite that, I try to instill the message that we can all have big dreams and accomplish them if we put our mind to it and that nothing is impossible.
ReplyDeleteRandy said he won the parent lottery because he believed in many of the ideas his parents taught and instilled in him. They were frugal and worked for what they had. His parents encourage creativity, hard work and perseverance which helped mold him into the child he was and adult he became. To those children who don't "win the lottery", they can build their own future and dream of the life they want to create and person they want to become. It takes a lot of encouragement and motivation and positive role models to help them see through their end goals.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it does take a lot of positives in ones life to reach their goals or dreams. It is unfortunate to think that there are kids in life who have no support systems or positive role models.
DeleteI believe Randy's parent lottery had to do with the fact that he had parents who both loved him, but had a different, complimentary approaches to raising their children. His mother, task and detail oriented and his father, a little more laid back. The key to his winning childhood was his parents didn't attempt to do everything for their children. Hard work is essential to building strong personality qualities, in my opinion. I think this is what I would share with students who didn't win the parent lottery; hard work and adversity can be used to help build character and conscientiousness. Although it might seem discouraging, it is like a lottery - we don't choose our parents. At some point all of us have to make our own way in life, not everything can always be our parents' fault, we have to make wise life choices.
ReplyDeleteI recently heard someone say, "Get comfortable with the uncomfortable." I think this ties in to so many lives. I think you are right in saying it can't always be the parents' fault. Everyone has free will and sometimes that leads to poor decision making. But when we find our selves struggling, whether it be because of our own decisions or how we are impacted by outside factors, we should embrace it and learn from it, so we can share our experience with those who may need to hear it later on.
DeleteLove the quote!...and I will show you how to post :)
DeleteI will eventually take the time to figure out how to attach my name (craig). A child's support system is the key to winning the lottery. Randy's parents were his support system. And through that, there seems to be a mutual respect that developed. Not only did they take an interest in him, teaching him to seek out information rather than "sit around like slobs and wonder," but they provided an example in putting others needs before their own and giving of themselves for the betterment of society. I think Randy's parents were smart people. They saw the value in education and the idea that it does not stop, ever. It's cyclical. And one can learn from another's experience (perhaps the reason Randy wrote the book). But it goes beyond what we know. How we act around others can be far more influential in a young person's life. They often pay attention to the details more than we think. And Love should never be misunderstood or thought to be implied. It needs to be felt or heard. At least that is what Randy thinks his father would think. For students that may not have that support system in their parents, they need to hear it from the support system they have. And that may very well be their teachers, their coaches, their scout leaders, or their friends. Or anyone else that may take an interest in them.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the most important things about Randy's childhood was that his parents had high expectations. He knew this and did not want to disappoint them so he worked hard to make them (and himself) proud.
ReplyDeleteThey seemed like very grounded people, humble, frugal. They taught their children to be inquisitive, to help others, and to live modestly. There was no 'entitlement'. Like many others have commented, I know many of my students have not won the parent lottery. Drugs and jail time are more prevalent now and most of the time I have more children with broken families than I do with parents that are married. I try to be a constant in their lives, someone who has high expectations and gives consequences. I let them know I care about them and want them to succeed but I also require respect and effort.
A major example from Randy’s childhood that helped make him into the adult he became was his parents insisting that the family spend a lot of time together talking. Communication is so important between parents and children. It opens up trust, respect, and consciousness of another’s feelings and opinions. I also respected that his parents did not just hand over solutions or items that the kids wanted but made the kids figure out how to get them. Such a valuable lesson to learn, if you want something but do not know how to get it most likely you will not end up with it. Additionally, his parents taught him how to have and meet high expectations of himself. While his mother was teaching him how to be self-sufficient and strong, his dad was teaching him how to be a humanitarian. Randy grew up witnessing his father always finding ways to help the less fortunate. Many of my students would not consider themselves winning the “parent lottery”, not because they have bad parents but because their parents face many challenges. I always set high but attainable expectations for my students. I expect my students to work hard and not give up, ask for help. We discuss short and long term goals, how we plan on obtaining them and updates on how the progress is going. My main goal is to show them that they can do and be anything that they want.
ReplyDeleteThe above reply is from me...Kimm Markovich
DeleteDetails of his parents that led to his success like: high expectations, serving those in poverty, frugality, not needing much, needing a dictionary to get through dinner, finding answers, thinking about everything, storytelling, advice, being humble, optimism, and a being a champion for equality. It's important for students to seek out those who possess these qualities. Utilize support from neighbors, friends, teachers, employers who love them and prioritize their well being. Also focus on the positive attributes and actions of their parents and keep those as inspiration.
ReplyDeleteRandy grew up in a loving home, with parents who were all about the success and happiness of their children. They were not materialistic, but rather brought happiness to their children through the time spent together, and valuable life lessons. The successful life that Randy lived until his death is evident of what a great childhood he had. Randy won the parent lottery in many ways, as described in the book, but one way that stood out in my mind besides the love that his family had for one another, was the education his parents instilled in him. I loved the way he would be made to look up answers to his questions in the encyclopedia at the dinner table. That is a brilliant idea to do with children. They will learn so much more this way than just giving their answer.
ReplyDeleteWhile not all students today have won the "parent lottery," I do the best I can to show love and support to all children. I feel it's important to give constant encouragement, and consistent discipline. Every child should be able to come to me to discuss anything, and I try to encourage them to find the best in all situations, and keep their own lives on the right track, even if they don't have the best support system at home.
Randy's parents were hard working people, and it is apparent that they wanted their children to realize the value of that. They had high expectations for their children, and also taught them the value of money and giving. I think the biggest take away about Randy's parents was that everything they taught there kids what to help them grow and develop into great adults. They valued time over money, which is something I feel some parents forget. I have had students throughout my career how have said they wished their parents were there for them, instead of just buying them things when they missed a concert or tournament. I would always tell those students not all family is blood related, sometimes your friends are your family. That usually made the students smile, because they had people in their life that were there for them, so they didn't feel alone. It is true we can't pick our family, however we care the ones in control of our happiness, so if you don't like something you can change it.
ReplyDeleteI really could connect with Randy and his parents because although I was primarily raised by my mother, she was very similar in her approach. Randy was allowed to be creative and encouraged to be thoughtful. Thinking wasn't an option but a requirement to being a functioning part of the family. They were humble people, and raised their children to be respectful of others, of money, and of their time. I feel one of the most significant lessons they taught Randy was that value in life was in your experiences and relationships, not in your possessions or positions.
ReplyDeleteI have had hoards of kids who have not won the parent lottery, or didn't realize they had. I know that is two different things. For the kids that truly had been on the losing side of parenting, the thing I most often try to tell them is that no matter their beginning, they are in control of where they go, and how they get there. I try to empower them to realize that many have been in the same place they have, and their actions determined if they had a brighter future or one of failure. I also try to encourage these students to find someone who they can trust and talk to, someone to look up to. Everyone needs a steadying voice in their lives, one that will listen and give honest advice.
The other group of kids are those who feel they have lost the parent lottery, but have actually won it, they are just too wrapped up in their own comparisons to other kids to realize. If that is the case, I try to support the parents by pointing out to the student the strength of what the parents are doing for them, and how the greener grass is not always best.
test #3
ReplyDeleteI think that some really standout qualities of Randy's parents were their encouragement of inquisitiveness and problem solving. I also love their support of his creativity. As an art teacher those are some of my favorite qualities in a students - or favorite life lessons to help teach. How can we solve this problem? Let's brainstorm! I also loved Ch. 7 so much. As a cheerleading coach, I am constantly trying to help the athletes understand that when I give them a correction or they think I am possibly being hard on them, it is only because I see the greatness and potential that they have to be a better athlete every single practice. If I ever stopped correcting them, it would mean I didn't care. I love when parents are on board with this concept.
ReplyDeleteI think my advice to someone that didn't win the "parent lottery" would be to find an outlet and dive in headfirst. Find what makes you happy.